Saturday, October 4, 2014

Study came to an end a couple of weeks ago

I had been fortunate enough to participate in a study about therapy for O.C.D. patients. My sessions started around late November or early December of last year. I'd go about once a week or once every two weeks.
I wrote about some of the challenges that I had to do and how I got through them. I felt a bit of a relapse towards the end of the summer when I was going a month without seeing my therapist. It was as if not having to be accountable to someone allowed me to falter. However, when my therapy ended, I felt happy and confident that my life would no longer be the same and that I had the tools in order to break free from being a slave to my checking habits.

Yes, I still check some things, but I don't go around the house or my place of work in circles rechecking things multiple times and feeling that if something bad happens it will be my fault.
I know and accept now that sh*# happens and that I just have to deal with it if and when it does. The day after my last therapy session I had to drive back into the city for a sonogram for my breasts. The old me would have been panicking. I decided to recapture some of the faith I used to have years ago or maybe practice a new accepting faith. I decided to trust God, Spirit, Jesus or whoever you would have me refer to that I was healthy. I also decided that if something came up that I would get through it with grace, faith and strength. I no longer want to live in fear and I was presented with a real life, real time situation to start practicing. 

So, I've decided to keep being grateful everyday for each new day and the gifts and challenges which present themselves to me. I am getting along much better with my partner and life is generally flowing.

What's next?
Because there has to be something else in order to progress, right?

Well, I'd like to not check dumb things at all. Sometimes, I walk out and forget to check stuff and that's healthy compared to taking 45 minutes just to leave the house because I kept going in circles.

I'd also like to take a trip a bit farther away from home. More than a 8 hour drive. Maybe getting back into air travel or something a bit harder than driving a day's drive away for 4 or 5 days. I don't know what yet. A lifetime ago, I used to travel a lot. I'm not sure that that's what I want now, but I do know that I would like to be a bit more mobile.

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